So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
