Life is so much better after having sex.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
