so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
