Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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