therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
