i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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