i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
