3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
