yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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