come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
