Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
