I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
