Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
