please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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