Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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