I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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