He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
