Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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