I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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