I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
