i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
