I think scott just propositioned me for sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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