I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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