sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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