I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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