he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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