God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
