WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
