Whod you bang
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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