I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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