My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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