i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have demons in me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
