But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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