distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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