I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This baby is an asshole
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
