let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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