Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
