Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
