he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
