the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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