I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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