im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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