Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
