just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
