I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
