I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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