Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
