you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
