I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
