is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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