I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
and you fell through a lawn chair
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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