I CAN MOONWALK!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize