umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize