I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so explain again why im purple
no
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
