It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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