I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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