Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
