i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
false alarm. still invincible.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize