Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
