is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
