I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
