omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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