his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
