apparently the secret to your success is patron
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize