dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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