I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
