u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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