She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
