I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize