third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
