I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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