mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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