We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
