I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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