what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
